Last week, the Utility company informed you they will be working in the neighborhood, so there will be no power between 8:00-12 noon. Arrgh Oh, well - fine. But the dog went crazy when the guy hung the notice on the door, so you let her tear it up (the notice, not the door - or the guy). Look how cute she is - she's ripping it to shreds! You post what's left of the notice "No power on Mar... " - no worries - you'll remember the date.
Fast Foward to today: You have a great night's sleep because hubby is out of town & you got to sleep with the radio on (which means the dogs don't wake up at every little noise). You grab a nice hot cup of coffee, saunter into the living room and turn on "Good Morning America". Wow, Muammar Gaddafi is a nut-case. Wow, so is Charlie Sheen - he's living with his "Goddesses" - one is a porn star, the other is a - BLIP, CLONK! All power goes off. Arrgh!
You glance at the scrap of paper on door - hmmm, guess it was March 1st. Aarrrgh - guess you can take a shower now - in fact, take a nice, long shower. Six minutes into shower the dogs start barking like a pack of - well, dogs - so you jump out of the shower, dry off (sorta) , throw on some sweats & an old T-shirt, and hurry into the living room.
Arrgh! Stupid Utility guy is knocking on the door, so you have to peek your head out (the one with no make-up & hair tied up like a samurai) and try to hear above the cacophony of noise. He says they need to work in YOUR backyard so you need to put the dogs inside. Aarrgh!!
Amazingly, it only takes 2 minutes to get them inside, and you slam the doggie door shut. You peek out the front door again while simultaneously fighting off the dogs to keep them from getting out. What the --- no one is there. Aarrgh! You squeeze out of the door and yell at the dogs,"BE QUIET!!" (or something like that). Two Utility workers are standing by the back gate in all their glory (nice toolbelt!) looking amused at the frumpy, harassed senior citizen in all her glory. You mutter, "Okay, the dogs are inside." and slink back into the house.
You didn't think it was possible, but the dogs are barking even more - all in their most annoying and non-inside voices. You chase them down to lock them in a back room, and chaos ensues: dogs are alternately running from you, running into you, running into each other. You scream, "SHUT UP!" - er, "Be Quiet!". That seems to work on the 2 little ones- they calm down and only give an occasional yip. The big one - the crazy one - is out of control. You measure her up - stare her down - she gives you the evil eye. You hesitate, then tell her, "FORGET YOU!" - rush in, arms waving and herd her into the hallway, grab the child-gate & whip it into place.
Whew! Collapse on the couch, reach for your meds - Aarrgh, you're out - your refill is waiting at the pharmacy. Well, now would be a great time to pick it up AND it gets you out of the torture chamber that is your house. You endure 10 more minutes of ear-splitting noise to make yourself more presentable (it's just not fair to subject anyone else to what you really look like). Grab the car keys - ARRGH! You idiot!! You didn't take the car out of the garage and there it sits - behind the electric garage door!!
Collapse on the couch again in total despair. Fine, you tell yourself (and any all-powerful, other-worldly being who's listening) you're going to spend the next two hours on Facebook, playing all your silly farming games... so there!! Open laptop, turn on computer, click internet icon.... click internet icon... AAARRRGH!!! No electricity - no internet!!!
That was my "Aha!" moment - this is what my Hell would be like! More precisely, this is what I have allowed my Hell to look like - what I have allowed my life to become.
After the utility guys left, we spent the rest of the time outside (the dogs and I, not the utility guys...). The dogs hunted lizards and gophers, I worked in the garden for the first time in months. I saw an incredible variety of birds - goldfinches, phoebes, bluebirds, cedar waxwings, even a red-headed woodpecker - as well as the usual suspects, including my favorite, the black phoebe.
It wasn't a "magic" transformation: I still wanted to drive away in my car, and I was extremely perturbed when the power didn't come on until 12:20! I'm sure it's just a coincidence* that Lent begins next week - time to choose which of the plethora of vices to "give up". Ah, the burden of being an imperfect human who needs an annual reminder to figure out what life is all about.
*"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."
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